Part Two, Chapter Ten

By the time they reached the dessert course, Carina was drunk. At first Alvi had cajoled her into laughter with his stories, but by the time she gave up picking at her steak and polenta, her mood had darkened dangerously. All around her were brightly dressed military wives, hanging on the arms of their officer husbands. It should've been her. Not that she had ever wanted Miles in the military to begin with, but since they had forced him to go and made him a captain in deference to his status as a doctor, it seemed unjust she had never had the opportunity to enjoy the perks before they shipped him off, never to return. How was it that these ladies got to wear pretty dresses, dine in restaurants and keep their far less worthy husbands at their sides while hers had been killed in some far-away place? It wasn't fair, and drink emboldened her to say so.

“All of life is unfair,” Alvi said. “These people will get what’s coming to them. Time is running out. Very soon they will envy you.”

Carina scoffed. “For what? For my intimate acquaintance with alfalfa, seed stock, and manure?”

“Quite likely, yes.”

She took another look at the room full of soft, well-fed townies, and shook her head. “No, these squeamish mercenaries would rather die than live any other way than this.”

“They probably will die.” Alvi motioned the waiter over. “Coffee and brandy, and something chocolate for all of us. Do you have mousse tonight?”

“No, sir, but we have pot du crème.”

“That will be fine.”

Carina remained immersed in sullen thoughts. “We left city life so long ago. My parents convinced us everything was falling apart and there was no time to lose. But there are places where things have carried on anyway.” She looked from Alvi to Donovan, challenging them for an explanation. "I could’ve been living like this all along.”

Alvi shook his head. “Carina, this place is hardly typical. Do you know anything of the history of this town?” When he got only a vague answer in reply, he went on. “This place was nothing when there was oil. How many highways come here? One, and it’s not even an interstate. Corporate farming and petroleum-based transportation nearly eradicated it prior to the crash. It came back to life only because of the railroad and because droughts in better ranch lands made this valley profitable. This is all new wealth, and there's little enough of it, if you were to see the rest of the town. The success they've had here couldn’t have been predicted. And when the trains stop coming, as they will very soon, the people who have come to count on small luxuries like a night on the town once in a while and electricity for a few hours each day, will suffer the same fate as the people of Catalunia, the people who died in the Macrina riots, and the people who Donovan grew up with.”
“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do know that.”

“How?”

“I have sources."

Carina raised an eyebrow. “You do seem to know an awful lot for a peddler.”

Their dessert arrived before Alvi had to answer. Carina tasted hers as cautiously as she had everything else, but there the resemblance to the rest of her recent eating habits ended. Donovan smiled. “I think we know how to get you to eat.”

She pushed the little bowl away, stammering about chocolate and childhood memories, then buried herself in her brandy snifter.

Donovan looked at her askance. “We should probably think about getting back to the motel. We have to be up early.”

Carina, whose mood had lightened over dessert, became angry again. “Oh yes, the homecoming ceremony. They can’t just kill a man and let his wife collect what’s left, but they have to make it into some sort of pseudo-religious, patriotic bullshit thing with the corpse as a hostage for your good behavior.”

Alvi motioned for the waiter to bring the check. “It’s just their way of trying to honor the sacrifices you both made.”

Carina leaned toward him. “I don’t want to hear another fucking thing about my sacrifices. I’m not a brave war widow, Miles was not a hero and there is no honor in any of this shit.”

Both men stared in shocked silence. Donovan reacted first, jumping to his feet and adjusting Carina’s wrap around her shoulders. “Let’s get you back to the motel.”

“You think I’m drunk, don’t you?” She snatched the edge of her new velvet cloak out of his hand. “You know I'm speaking the truth.”

By now some people at the next table were looking at her. “It’s okay,” she told them. “I’m just the bereaved widow of one of our gallant heroes. Nothing to see here.”

Donovan grabbed her by the elbow and steered her toward the door. “Let’s go outside.”

“Why? Are you embarrassed by me?”

The words were offered rhetorically, but Donovan squeezed her arm. “Yes, you are embarrassing me. And Alvi. And yourself.”

Such a direct answer startled her long enough for him to get her out the door while Alvi remained behind to settle up with the waiter. Outside, the cool autumn air brought Carina back to her senses. There were a number of hacks waiting for fares, but Donovan guided her to the dim circle of light beneath a solar-charged streetlamp.

Carina took a deep breath of the cold air and buried her face against Donovan’s chest. “I should’ve stayed home. You and Amalia were right. I can’t handle this.”

Donovan wrapped his arms around her. “Don’t let these hypocrites get to you. You’re stronger than you think.”

“No I’m not.” Her voice was muffled by Donovan’s jacket. “I can’t. I just—“

He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. Had she looked up at him for even a moment he would’ve kissed her lips and whispered all the words of love he wanted to say, but just at that moment Alvi came hurrying out of the restaurant. Donovan took a step back. “Alvi and I are going to take you back to the motel, all right? You need to rest. That’s why you’re behaving like this. You’re exhausted.”

Carina nodded and dabbed her eyes with the edge of her cloak. Then she let herself be guided to a waiting cab, where she leaned back in the upholstered seat, turned her face away and closed her eyes. By the time the horse trotted up to the motel, she was asleep.

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