Part Two, Chapter Twenty-Eight

Amalia and the children were pleased to get new clothes, and Amalia's face lit up at the sight of the books from Catalunia. But what excited everyone most was the chocolate. Carina hadn't known about the candy, so she was as surprised the others when Donovan presented her with a foil-covered box tied with a ribbon. She was glad to be sitting in a corner out of the direct light of the lamps so Amalia couldn't see her blush.

"Just one piece tonight," Amalia told the children. "You need to make it last." She gave Donovan a small frown. "This was a lot of money to spend on something frivolous."

"We work hard. It's nice to have a treat now and then."

"I love my books and they were free." She turned to Carina. "I'm tempted to hitch up the wagon and bring the whole Catalunia library home. It seems a shame to leave all those books there, unused."

"Maybe I'll take you sometime," Donovan offered.

Carina wasn't sure if he was trying to provoke her or just making idle conversation, but she suddenly couldn't handle any more. "I'm sorry. I know it's early but I need to get some rest."

"I'm going to read soon," Amalia offered. "Can't you stay up for just a little longer?"

Carina shook her head. She hugged Amalia, then the two children. She started to offer Donovan a formal good night, but he got out of his seat and put his arms around her. It was only a platonic embrace, like he would've given the children, but the touch of his body was electric and overwhelming. She turned her face away, suddenly misty-eyed. "I'll see you in the morning."

Once she was in bed, Carina couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, her mind raced ahead of her, refusing to lie still like her body. After what seemed like hours, she heard footsteps in the hallway as Amalia and Donovan put the children to bed. Then she heard the door to their bedroom shut.

Her eyes flew open. She should've anticipated this. She would never get to sleep now. Her mind ran through several different scenarios, none of which she could tolerate. She had to sleep, but not knowing what they were doing in their room was torture.

She got out of bed and wrapped herself in her black robe, then she slipped out of the room on silent feet, resisting the temptation to listen at Donovan and Amalia's door. No good could come of that. Instead she went into the storage room. They kept everything in order here and she had no trouble finding what she had come for. She grabbed a bottle of homemade wine for good measure, then stole back to her room. It was a stupid thing to do, and she knew it. She was going to have to live with the situation she had created, but just this one night it would be okay. Some herbs, a bit of tranquilizer and some wine...soon it wouldn't matter what Donovan and Amalia did or didn't do in their room.

* * *

The family allowed Carina to sleep late the next morning, an indulgence that would have annoyed her had she not been so groggy. A couple cups of Amalia's strong coffee helped, then she dressed and went to check on her animals. Her mood lifted as the hens flocked around her, pecking at her toes. Goneril and Regan were taking a well-deserved vacation in their paddock, and when they saw her they trotted over to have their noses rubbed. Even one of the barn cats seemed happy to see her, pausing and staring with big yellow eyes instead of skulking away at the sound of her footsteps.

Her work among living creatures had always been where she found happiness and felt most alive. How had she wandered so far in such a short time? As she rubbed a nanny's ears, she grabbed onto the notion that her ability to commune with animals was her strength. This was where she needed to put her heart, not in the grave of a man she had last made love to so many years ago that she could hardly remember what it was like, and certainly not with her sister's man— a grasshopper who was likely to leave one day, if he didn't get shot for cheating at cards first. One of the young goats, already grown big and strong since last spring, butted Carina playfully and she laughed and stroked his head.

When she went in to lunch, she was surprised to find Tasha in the kitchen, putting together some crude meals of leftovers wrapped in tortillas. "What are you doing, dear?"

"I make the lunches now.”

Carina took a closer look. It wasn't going to kill anybody, but... "How about I teach you how to cook?"

Tasha gazed at her solemnly. "Amalia said not to touch the stove. Ever."

"I'm sure she didn't mean never-ever. I'll teach you how to work it safely, and then it will be okay."

When everyone else trooped in, Tasha was trying not to burn some red chile quesadillas. Amalia frowned, but since Carina was hovering nearby watching every move, so she let it go.

Although she had a lot of work to do in the calabaza patch, Amalia hung back after lunch to help clean up. "You seem better today."

"I just needed a good night's sleep and a visit with my animals."

The relief in Amalia's face was glaringly obvious. "About the funeral. I haven't had much luck tracking down a Protestant minister of any credible denomination. There's a guy who runs meetings out of a place off a spur on the Higdon road. He calls his congregation the Dawning World Assembly of Christ's Second Coming, or something like that. I don’t know what he preaches, but it sounds kind of scary to me. I had a feeling you wouldn't be into that."

"I don't think so."

"Joaquin said he can do the service any Saturday or Sunday, and although I didn't make inquiries on the reservation, the Montoyas say that Alma Red Wing doesn't mind doing services off-rez for non-Indians. Or we could just do something ourselves. Joaquin said he doesn't care what kinds of services are held up there at the cemetery, as long as they’re respectful."

"You mean, as long as he gets his fee."

Amalia shrugged, acknowledging the truth of Carina's statement. "Pick a day, and I'll send Will with the appropriate messages."

"What day is it today?"

"Thursday."

"Can Joaquin do the service Sunday after regular Mass?"

"That's a good idea. That way anyone who wants to come won't have to make the trip to church twice. It's a busy time of year."

Carina looked away. "All those sympathetic people."

"It'll be okay. Donovan told me about Jonasville. This won't be the same. These are the people who really love you."

"Yeah. Sometimes those can be the worst." Carina felt the gloom settling back upon her, but then remembered her resolution of that morning. There was only her work and the animals, and maybe the children. None of the rest mattered.

"So I should send Will with a note for Joaquin?"

"Yes. Miles wasn't particularly religious, so it's really all the same."

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